Help Women and Men

So, here I am, back and rambling. Feel free to scroll ahead if you get bored. I didn't end up going to watch "The L Word" tonight. We had a snowstorm and I just didn't feel like going over there. Brian and I were supposed to meet at Common Cup but some kind of presentation was going on and it didn't seem like anyone was getting actual food and it was pretty crowded, so we went to the Ranch House instead. I don't know, he's a nice guy but we have so little in common and are so different and not in a good way, and I was never interested in dating him-or anyone else since I met, uh, people rhyming with "bike"-in the first place. Dinner was okay, slightly awkward though. He's really shy but doesn't appreciate things aesthetically, so silence is just uncomfortable, totally the opposite of any silence I share with other people. It was weird because I know he likes me but aside from that I felt like I was eating next to a stranger on a plane with whom I'd previously gotten politely chatty. After dinner we were walking around and since the snow was really coming down, I was showing him how I'm an idiot and like to walk around looking up into all the flakes coming down, see how high up I can see them, and pick one and follow it down and try to catch it in my mouth. Meanwhile, I stumble all over the place. So I did that for awhile and we just started walking and talking a little, and then he said, "Where are we going?" I figured that was as good a time as any to bring up the point that I don't really want to see him anymore, at least not in this context, so I said, "You mean literally or something else?" And he said, "Both, I guess." Yeah, we were just wandering around outside so it was obvious that we were going nowhere in particular, and I told him that I have really liked getting to know him (we've hung out maybe three times now?) and would like to still see him sometime but I didn't want anything to happen with it. He seemed a little bummed but generally okay and I thought everything was good until we were back at our cars and he asked if he could have a kiss goodnight. What the hell?!?! I thought I just told him I didn't want anything like that! And I do appreciate his asking, as I think people should ask before a first or second kiss, but I still felt suddenly defensive as if I had to ward off a sexual predator, despite the fact that Brian is and has been in no way aggressive and in actuality I had no reason to feel threatened, violated, and pull back the way I did. But I told him sorry, no, but gave him a hug and we went our ways. He said he'd call me soon, and while I really wanted to say "No, please don't," I said "ok." I hate that. I hate that a woman has to feel uncomfortable after turning down a man who wanted something sexual, that a woman has to feel like she can assert whatever she wants and whatever she doesn't want and have it taken seriously, know that her body and personal space will not be violated. And it's so sad that women feel that way even among the nicest people, men who are probably like my brother and my boyfriend and would never physically hurt me or any woman or man, who would respect me and give me no reason to worry about my safety...but it happens, and that's how we have to condition ourselves to survive when all we want is to not be afraid anymore, have Mike hold me and tell me how beautiful I am and kiss me all over my body because he loves it and feels welcome there and like a treasured and pampered guest, not some kind of ruthless raider who comes to take and destroy. And I hate that in a room of 300 young women and about 5 young men, 299 of them will raise their hands when asked the question "Have you or has someone you know been a victim of sexual assault?" and when someone asks, "How do you know that at least 3 out of 4 cases go unreported," a new question was posed: "Out of all of you who raised your hands, how many of these incidents were reported?" and maybe 5 people put their hands in the air.