Doom

It's funny how we always perceive DOOM as something bad, something terrible: "I'm doomed!" Oh shit! Look it up. It's all about judgement and decisions, particularly destiny. Yes, usually that destiny is unhappy and implies death or ruin, but it's not all bad. So yes, I'm doomed. We all are. Ha ha, one of the bulbs has burned out in my bedroom lamp and it brings back the memory of when Tim would be my "manly man" and change them for me or reach things for me or tell me anything about my car. Too bad we aren't speaking, hope he's doing okay, have heard otherwise, tisk tisk. Can't blame him, really, as I too want to run anywhere, be reborn, shut a few doors behind me. Today's juice is cleansing, and I feel unworthy of it. Carrot, parsely, kiwi, lemon...very refreshing. It's like I'm forcing the life back into myself. Then again, anything would be nice after last night's entire BOTTLE of champagne (not good when back on meds). Guess I just wanted to feel stupid. It compensates for the stupid way I've been acting, so stupid for someone of my intelligence. I just want to hide until it's all over. Oh, and Sheila died. YES, FUCKERS, THAT'S RIGHT, MY FISH DIED. Okay, here's the question of the day: Is someone still your mentor if you have been avoiding talking to him or her for over a year? Ie., can you truly call someone a "mentor" if you are afraid to talk to him, if you hide from her, if you look up to the person so much but are totally ashamed to even exist? God, all this makes me sound like SUCH a winner. Anyway, there is hope. I had a beautiful, beautiful dream, and having interpreted it, I'm very optimistic. Maybe some day I"ll share.